she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
