we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
