I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
