:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
