Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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