got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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