Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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