There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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