just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
