i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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