I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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