So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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