Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
