We won't sleep together?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize