did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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