Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Less talking, more tequila
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
