he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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