We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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