Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
