i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
