Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
COCAINE IS GR8
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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