He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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