I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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