Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize