I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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