K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize