Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
