Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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