i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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