what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
