i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
