the condom got lost in my hair
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize