Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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