Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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