Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
