when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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