Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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