I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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