Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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