brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
