thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
