forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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