If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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