I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
