I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
