the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
