hotel room ftw
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
