i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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