Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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