I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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