she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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