i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
