I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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