well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
