I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
