I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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