Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
