And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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