And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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