is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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