There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
