I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
