I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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