It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You need Xanax blowdarts
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
