It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
