I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
