it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Someone signed my nipple.
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