my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
