oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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