Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
