I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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