In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize