chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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