john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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