I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
