I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
