i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
