dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
