Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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