I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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