he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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