Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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