It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You are the jesus of drinking
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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