Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
