Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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