I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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