who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
