i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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