My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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