and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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