I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
